sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize