I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
