So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
