I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i have two assholes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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