Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
