I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
