Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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