There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
