I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
