would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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