Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize