I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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