god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
