i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
