My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i drank out of a bidet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Panties = found
Randomize
