doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
