they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
