You're my little dorito
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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