Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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