No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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