are you still at the devil's house?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
