I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
