And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
