Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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