Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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