I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
someone threw a dead crab at me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
