Umm I'm too high to move.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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