Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
