There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
