you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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