cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
