i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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