she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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