His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love having hate sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
