Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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