Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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