yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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