I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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