i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wear drunk well.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
