To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
