I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize