He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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