I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there's paper in my vomit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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