I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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