she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
