Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
