so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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