Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
