we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
