So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
