The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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