I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
