i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
