no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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