They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
