and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
