Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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