She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
