Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
