I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize