I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
