Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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