is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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