i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
