I'm so fucking centered right now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
