I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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