I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
