I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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