woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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