I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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