Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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