Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
