I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
